We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
