those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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