Don't you send me to vm
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
