Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
