You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well I just put wine in my tea
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
