i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
