I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
