A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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