1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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