google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
