Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
