They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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