So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
