I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
