I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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