I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You were trust falling into bushes
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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