no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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