i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can't put those talents on a resume
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
