And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
