we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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