i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
