So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
