i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
