She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
