hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
