So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
