Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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