When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i've created a new STD.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
