When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
pop tarts are not kleenex
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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