sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
