I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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