I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
