Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
