Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
