I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
