If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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