Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
