i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
