So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
