we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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