Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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