The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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