sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
