oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
