Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
BRING THE BAGELS
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
