dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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