My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
