that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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