I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
