That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
