There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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