maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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