dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
smell my finger.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
